Not 30 yet

Today I'm 29. At one time or another everyone has been asked, "Where do you think you will be in 10 years?" It's always a puzzling question that gets a pretty generic answer: I'll be working, married, with kids, or I'll be traveling, opening myself up to new possibilities and adventures. But now that it's been 10 years later, those generic answers have such vivid and real qualities. When I entered the teacher workforce, I had all these ideals and perceptions about what being a teacher would be like. I would create these mind blowing lessons that would open up a world of possibilities and wonder to bright-eyed children waiting to learn from me. The reality was more like hoping every day I would send my students home with at least one new thought or understanding of a subject. I was pretty hard on myself. Always feeling like I was failing someone or that my shortfalls would damage a young person's sense of accomplishment. Looking back, I know I did my best and I hope all my students will look back at their 4th grade teacher with good feelings and respect for what I tried to do each and every day. The next step in my 10 year plan was marriage. I always thought I would marry in my late 20s early 30s, because who at 21 years old knows what they want. Except, when I met (or should I say opened my eyes) to my best friend's older brother, John, I knew we had something special. With John, I've learned to really love myself because he loved me for exactly who I was. Now I strive to be a better person for him and now my two beautiful daughters. When Lorelei and Camilla came into this world, for the first time, I felt like I had done something truly amazing. They are both so unique and special and I hope I can raise them to love themselves the way I love them. That is what a parent's job boils down to. In the end, they will make their own decisions in life, but if they can look back on their childhood for guidance, I will truly feel like I did what I was meant to do in this lifetime. I know as they grow older, I will need to find my place in this world without them or John as the focal points. I hope I find a way to achieve joy by helping others as I pursue a passion yet to be decided. I'm sure there will be many adventures to come and I can write about those after the next 10 years. When I think about myself 10 years ago when someone asked me this question, I don't think I would have believed it possible that I would have made all those generic answers come true in the most beautiful way.

C2L28

C2L28 (Camilla 2 Months Old; Lorelei 28 Months Old) How funny time is. Not long ago I was counting down the days to what seemed like the longest pregnancy of all time (I think all pregnant women probably say this)and now Camilla is two months old and it went by like a blink. A really sleep deprived, joyous, difficult, and beautifully amazing blink. Lorelei has adjusted so well to Camilla, so much so that she thinks she is one of her babies and even attempted, successfully I might add, to carry her and put her in her car seat! She has been in a very healthy, and expected, mommy-needy phase, but still loves to play with her Daddy, Grandparents, extended family, and friends, as long as I am close at hand. I love it and feel guilty about it all at the same time. It's true what they say, you have equal room in your heart for all your children, but you don't always feel like you have the ability to make the equal amount of time for each. And I just have two children. Good luck to the mother on that TLC show that has like nineteen kids. I don't know how she does it, just the basics like feeding and clothing them all, let alone having individual attention for each. All I can do is strive to give them each loving and special attention, teach them right from wrong, and let them become who they are meant to be. Along the way I will try to impart to them some helpful guidance on how to be kind, respectful to others and themselves, and find passion in their lives. As a two year old, Lorelei continues to be make me laugh, push my buttons, surprise me, test me, and bring such fun and love to my life. Every time she says a complete sentence I am taken aback by home much she has grown in the past 6 months. When she tells me things that I know she learned from us, it reminds me how much she has listened and learned. Some of my favorite phrases from her have been: "Put Camilla down and pick Lorelei up", "I wanta more cookie, Mommy", "I love you", and "Pepe is stinky from the skunk, but Ama give her a bath and now she is clean". She plays so well with her friends and family and you can tell how much she loves them when she says good-bye to them with a hug and kiss and then talks about how much fun she had with them. She can sing her ABC's and count from 1-20. She breaks out in song throughout the day. I wonder where she gets that from (John of course!). We go to the park most days and she is such a daredevil. Luckily she is pretty coordinated and is able to climb up most ladders and stairs without help. She also likes to use the teeter totter as a balance beam! I say she has her mother's eye hand coordination and her father's running speed. I still love to watch her play outside and laugh with such adorable giggles and screams. She is so loveable, smart, and beautiful. Camilla has developed so much in just a few months. She is such a mellow, compliant, and sweet baby. I never knew it could be so easy to get a baby to sleep. She loves to be swaddled, given a pacifier, and she is off in dreamland. No jiggling, dancing, swishing, or non-stop movement required. She can hold her head up and smiles at us most of the day. The only crying she does is when she needs a diaper change or Mama's milk. She enjoys her baths and watching her musical mobile. It makes my heart smile when Lorelei and Camilla lay on the play mat together and smile and laugh. I can already tell they are going to be such good friends and close sisters. I cherish the quiet morning hours when I get to rock her and feed her before anyone else gets up. We have our alone time to snuggle and be together. I will always treasure these moments and memories and I look forward to what they will be doing a few months from now. Moreover, I just want to be present each day, embrace it for what it is; whether it is a calm, lazy day around the house or loud, chaotic party with friends and family, because that is really what life is about... I couldn't be happier.

Camilla Jana Patricia Karspeck

We welcomed baby girl Camilla on July 7th, 2012 at 3:58 a.m. She weighed in at 8 lbs. 5 oz and 20 inches long. It was another extraordinary event in my life that I will never forget. In order for you to get a clear picture of Camilla's entrance into this world, let me start from the beginning. On Friday, the 6th, I woke up knowing that my baby's birth story was beginning... at least I thought so. Contractions were fairly strong at about 6-8 minutes apart, but I was handling them pretty well. Lorelei awoke shortly after and preceded to mimick my labor positions on the floor with me. She will one day be very adept at yoga because she can already do upward dog, cat arch, and child's pose. She was with me every step of the way. Until, contractions started getting closer together and stronger. I thought for sure we would be at the hospital by late morning. We called my dad to come and take Lorelei so John and I could have some time to pack and focus on the impending labor that I felt ready for. Shortly after Dad left with Lorelei, the contractions started slowing down and by 3 p.m., I was able to take a 2 hour nap and the contractions were non-existent. As the evening wore on, contractions continued at about 10 minutes apart. John insisted that I try and get some sleep around 11, deducing that whether or not I was having the baby, it would help to have a little rest. However, Camilla had other plans. From midnight to 1:45 a.m. contractions progressed quickly from 10 minutes apart, to 6 minutes apart, 3 minutes, and then finally 1-2 minutes. John quickly got the car packed, again, and we arrived at the hospital about 5 minutes and 3 hard contractions later. Getting checked in and up to the room was quite a task as I had to hop out of the wheelchair and hold on to John every contraction. Sitting was too painful. As the nurse finally got us to our room, there were about five nurses, including two that were at the birth of Lorelei, writing down our info, putting wrist tags on us, and attempting to get an IV cap in my arm (I was pricked about five times, and they still weren't able to get it in; I have the bruises to show for it), all during intense transition-phase contractions. They even had me sign papers through my haze. Who knows what I was signing my name to, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get in the jet tub to hopefully help me relax. Before I got in the tub, my exam showed I was 6 cm dilated. I was somewhat disappointed that I was only that far along after 18 hours of labor, but I just kept my focus and kept thinking my baby would be here soon. And she would be. After only an hour in the tub, I was 9 1/2 cm dilated and ready to push. I got in the bed, and with the help of John's soothing words that "our daughter would be here soon" and "just take my time and breathe" I saw the birth of my second daughter after a half an hour and a couple of painful screams of determination ( I think I even said, "Get it out of me"; I think I was trying to encourage myself to push harder). It was as I remembered with Lorelei; a feeling of pure joy and bliss, and also, relief that it was over and our daughter was here. I got to hold my new baby in my arms as the nurses cleaned her up, John cut the cord, and I was able to nurse right away. Birthing my two girls have been the most empowering and beautiful experiences of my life.

Where to begin...

I realize now that my last post was in November. I can barely remember what I did last weekend, let alone three months ago. Now that I have Lorelei in my life, I can atleast track time by her age. It's funny how as a child I could always remember details of my life experiences based on what grade I was in. My first memories are of preschool with Mrs. Gayle in Cherry Valley, CA. I vividly remember nap times on a cot, playing house with my friends Anna and Josh, and bringing my favorite stuffed animal, which was a Popple (popular 80s cartoon show with bear-like creatures that could fold into a ball). Then as I left school for the work world, my life seemed to blend together. Important events still stand out such as my wedding, getting my first job as a teacher, and being pregnant, then WHAMO!, where have the rest of the last five years gone? That's why I love videos and photos. They bring you right back. So, back to the last three months. Christmas was a wonderful first for Lorelei. Many family members were able to visit for William's college graduation and for the holiday. Lorelei started getting teeth in November, and now she has two teeth on the bottom and four teeth coming down from the top. She still loves to roll around the floor and her new talent is going from the laying position to sitting up. She also gets on all fours and rocks. Her favorite syllables to babble are "Dada" (which John is loving; I had my moment in the sun a few months ago when she would babble "Mama"). I don't think she knows what she is saying, but it is so fun to hear her talk. I am still tutoring and am enjoying being out of the house a few hours a day. Grampa Guy, Gramma Jana, Grandmom Pat, Uncle Duane, Aunt Jill, and cousin Izzy spend special time with Lorelei while I'm teaching. John is hard at work at Woodward and still enjoying his new position in the Turbine group. Then when he comes home from work, he loves playing with Lorelei. The weather here lately has been beautiful and warm for this time of year (Wednesday is a high of 75 degrees!; loving it, but worried about global warming!?). I hope you all enjoy the pictures and video and help you to feel close to Lorelei. She is so lucky to have such wonderful family and friends in her life.

Season of Change

Not only does it finally feel like winter, Lorelei has also seasoned. She now sits up on her own, with the exception of a few falls when she looks behind herself. She laughs and smiles frequently, eats rice cereal and vegetables daily, and has figured out how to play peek-a-boo. Since she was born, I've been counting her age by weeks. On this website, I grouped pictures by every four weeks. So from her birth to one month old I labeled her pictures as her "First Month". However, now that she is six months old, we will say she is seven months old on December 10th. This way, she will turn one year old on May 10th.

Lorelei's first Halloween and Thanksgiving have been a lot of fun for us. Lorelei was a pumpkin along with her pumpkin family. We didn't trick or treat, but family came to our house for a visit. For Thanksgiving, we celebrated all week. We had a dinner at Grandmom Pat's house with Gramma Jana and Grampa Guy on Monday. They were all out of town later in the week. Then we had a vegan Thanksgiving at Grampa Milan's house and a potluck Thanksgiving at Nana and Papa's house. Thank you to all the family who hosted the wonderful meals. As a side note, on Thanksgiving night I felt a sharp point on the bottom of Lorelei's mouth. Here come the teeth!

John is continuing to enjoy his new position in the Turbine group at the Fort Collins Woodward. Lorelei and I visit him once a week for lunch. I started tutoring a small group of students at an elementary school three times a week. While I'm away, Grampa Guy and Uncle Duane, Aunt Jill, and cousin Izzy, have been watching Lorelei. Gramma Jana helps when she gets off work and Grandmom Pat looks forward to watching her when she gets back from her vacation. Thank you to all the family for being such amazing caregivers for Lorelei while I'm away. I wouldn't trust anyone else.

September

The leaves are changing color, but the summer heat is hanging in there. I know I'm happy about it. Today it is supposed to be in the 90s and then the 80s the rest of the week. I'm somewhat dreading the winter this year due to the fact that I will have to dress Lorelei in multiple layers of clothing and then take them all off when a dirty diaper occurs. I guess we will be staying in more often than we are now. September has been a fun month full of birthdays (mine being one of them!), family get togethers, and changes. The month began with an 80th birthday party for Nana up at Aunt Kay and Uncle Ron's house near Kremmling. Duane drove Lorelei and I up for the event. It was great to catch up with my best buddy. Then for my 27th birthday we had dinner at 3 Margaritas, which was concluded with a serenade while I was wearing a sombrero! Got to love those Kodak moments. Also to celebrate coming of age, I chopped my hair off and am loving the 30 minutes I save not having to style it every morning; although since Lorelei was born, there was not much time for that anymore and I found myself in a ponytail daily. John and I have spent most weekends this month at Camp David. Lorelei loves being outside and is very relaxed at the cabin, which in turn is relaxing for John and myself. We had many lovely meals (side note: since the end of August I have started a vegan diet. My life changed once I watched the documentary "Food Inc.", read some books containing graphic details about livestock, and thought more about the fact that I'm still nursing Lorelei. She eats what I eat.) John has been very supportive of this transition and when I try making a new vegan recipe, he smiles politely and says, "It's good, honey". As of yesterday, Lorelei turned 5 months old. She rolls onto her stomach, makes a ton of chatter noise, laughs when we tickle her, and mimicks facial expressions often. Well, that's it for the month of September. Love to all our family and friends.

Videos are now posted

I know I've been saying for weeks now that we would soon post video. That day is here. John set up a new tab at the top of the website for videos. Once you enter the video page you can click on individual videos and your computer should automatically open them in windows media player. It takes up to 5 minutes for the long videos to load. The window is pretty small when you view them this way. If you would like to see the video in a larger view, you can right click on the individual video, then click "Save link as". You can save it to your desktop and then view it after it downloads. If either of these steps don't work for you, let us know and we can make a DVD and mail it to you. Hopefully in the next week I will also be posting video from John's birthday.